I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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