idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
