My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
