i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
