I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This baby is an asshole
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
