Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize