I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
