I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
