spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
