I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
