The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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