I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
