All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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