One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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