every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
