wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
