I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
