I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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