I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
