my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
