Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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