I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
