I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
