i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
