Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
