Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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