My sheets look like a crime scene.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
