if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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