Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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