She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
