She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
