Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
