I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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