I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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