I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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