Your face is a jimmy john
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
