I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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