I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
