I just cut my nipple shaving
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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