I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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