I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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