Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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