Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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