I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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