I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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