Non-Jews are for practice
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
