Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
