I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
