I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
