why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
