Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize