I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
