i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
