so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
