guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
