You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
