You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
