i think my tv is drunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
