I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
