Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
