my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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