my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
