Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
