Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
