Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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