I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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