The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
