Plan B is the new Plan A
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
