The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
